Perspectives / Recent Posts / August 25, 2016

Yes Means No

Food is important to me. I struggle with ordering at restaurants. A few years back I was eating at a 5-star restaurant. I couldn’t decide between the chicken and the duck and as I always do I asked the waiter what I should get. His reply was… “Madam (it was a french restaurant), make your choices with impunity!”. After I realized that this was real life and he really just said that, I decided he was kind of awesome and admired his boldness and word usage. I quickly went with the duck.

“Madam, make your choices with impunity!”

I think it’s a fear of missing out. I don’t want to get the thing I ordered last time but what if the dish I order isn’t as good and I regret it? What if I order the same thing again and miss out on the special that’s only here this week? What if the cauliflower soup really is good even though it sounds gross and I miss tasting the best soup of my life? This may be why I prefer tasting menus. It takes away the fear of a bad decision. I get what I get and I don’t have to worry about the other items… because there are none.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if all of our choices in life were Chef’s choice- don’t worry about it; it’s pre-determined and you’re going to love it.

Unfortunately real life is less like a Per Se tasting and more like a Cheesecake Factory menu with all of it’s pages of possibilities. I think many of us struggle with the fact that by saying yes to one thing we are automatically saying no to a host of other possibilities. This could be a contributing factor as to why so many of us avoid serious or long-term commitments. What if I take this and I miss the better option tomorrow? This mentality lacks confidence and assumes that I don’t have the ability to cultivate a great outcome in whatever choice I make.

“What if I take this and I miss the better option tomorrow?”

Our yes is powerful and sets us free to enjoy the rewards and benefits held within, instead of living in a valley of fear unable to enjoy anything as a result of indecision. One of the main objectives of fear is to freeze us so that we remain ineffective and unfruitful. It’s like spending a year in the parking lot of a car dealership deciding between the white or the black car. The person who came the same day and bought the black car has already been enjoying the journey, loving the seat warmers and listening to the sound system… while you stand with one hand on each door handle unable to enjoy anything because you haven’t decided to take ownership. The perception of powerlessness is often traced to a root of fear. We actually have the ability to make the outcome of our choice a positive one. When we say yes we are acknowledging that we are entering into a powerful choice that we accept responsibility to manage. We are also counting the cost of the no that we also must manage to protect the integrity of our yes. Some of us may need to let go of the guilt that can sometimes come with saying no. It can be a real struggle to have a strong no for the things that can taint or damage the power of the yes we have already decided. For example, when I said yes to my husband, I said no to any other partnership possibility, sexually, emotionally or otherwise. I decided to put all my energy into making my marriage amazing instead of wondering if I should have said yes to someone else.

“When we say yes we are acknowledging that we are entering into a powerful choice”

In a world of limitless options we need to be powerful people who understand that our yes to one thing is a no to other things… and that’s more than ok. Just make your choices with impunity.


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Tags:  Dealing with Fear Destiny Freedom Personal Growth Relationships Stewardship

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Aug 26, 2016

Well said! I’m forwarding this to my husband. Our perfectionist personalities often keep us in indecision. Thank you!! 🙂

    Aug 26, 2016

    Awesome! Thank you Leah 🙂

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